Chris Brow, Rihanna: What They Didn’t Tell Us

By R. Renee

DISCLAIMER: Let me make it clear that in no way, shape or form am I justifying or condoning Chris Brown’s assault on Rihanna. So I ask that you approach this article with an open mind. Thank you.

There are THREE sides to every story – His side. Her side. And the truth. Regarding Chris Brown and Rihanna we’ve heard his side of the story. We’ve now heard her side of the story. But have we heard the truth?

There’s no doubt there is a lot more to the Chris-Rihanna drama than we may ever know. Only Chris, Rihanna and a few people in their inner circle really know what went down in their relationship and in that car that fateful night.

Rihanna

Nevertheless, it’s perhaps safe to say that their relationship was unhealthy and dysfunctional. And although Brown is clearly the “bad guy” in this situation Rihanna herself was also “bad girl” – “a girl good gone bad” so to speak.

The National Coalition for Men (NCFM), who came out and supported Brown, released a statement saying: “According to court records and other sources, Rihanna struck Brown in the face ‘numerous times’ before he assaulted her.”

Is it possible that Rihanna physically assaulted Brown? Yes. Is it possible that Rihanna provoked and instigated Brown’s assault? Yes. Is it possible Brown got fed up and snapped? Yes. Is it likely Brown acted in self defense? Yes. Does this justify or excuse Brown’s assault? NO.

But let’s not be so quick to label Chris Brown a monster and to throw him under the bus especially when we don’t know the whole TRUTH regarding their relationship.

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Chris Brown

There are many females who emotionally, mentally, verbally and physical abuse their boyfriends/husbands. Men don’t talk about it due to their own shame and embarrassment.

There are men who don’t leave these abusive relationships for many of the same reasons women stay in abusive relationships (“love”, low self-esteem, co-dependency, etc.).

There are men who don’t defend themselves because they refuse to hit a woman under ANY circumstance.

There are men who don’t defend themselves because they know that even if they physically restrain a woman all she has to do is call 911 and he’s going to jail.

This is the flip side of domestic abuse/violence that no one talks about. Let’s not have a double-standard when it comes to domestic abuse/violence. Yes, it’s wrong for a man to abuse a woman but it’s equally wrong for a woman to abuse a man.

Was Rihanna a victim? Yes. But so was Chris Brown. From my perspective, Rihanna and Chris victimized each other.

So if you want to take sides, so be it. But in doing so just remember there are THREE sides to every story – His side. Her side. And the TRUTH.

R. Renee is a poet, author, lecturer, and commentator.  She is the author Face Tha Fiyah – a compelling story of African-Americans striving for success, dignity and peace of mind in a sometimes racist and oppressive world.

Are You Exactly Where You Should Be?

Author: C. Om

The majority of people in the world today would answer this question with a resounding, “NO.” As a result, the majority of people in the world are not totally happy and are no where near their potential. 

The feeling of unfulfillment from not being where you think you could, should, or would be; is all the result of what you think ! It is the idea of what isn’t happening for you right now that is causing all the stress. 

If you think you should be making more money or you would rather be living in another place; you are in resistance to what is . If you think that your friend, your spouse, significant other, or your child should be a lot more of the way you think they could be; you are in resistance to what is . If you think you should have a better job, a better house, or a better car; you are in resistance to what is . 

When I say resistance to what is ; it is not a call for complacence or to settle for less. It is more of a call for you not to be in denial of your reality. Once what is , is accepted and adapted to; it leaves the space for true change to take place. Without acceptance; adaptation is impossible. 

True change can only be affected when you acknowledge what is and move with it. Could you walk or drive without acknowledging your terrain? You probably could for a moment. After that, you would have taken a fall, if walking. If driving; you would have caught a bad accident. Being in the moment and acknowledging life in the present is the best and only way to truly adapt to what is . 

As a result of not holding on to the heavy baggage of what “should be,” you are free to adapt to the present; uncovering the gift that it truly is.  Are you exactly where you should be? YES! If you take this attitude to heart; you will find a new freedom in life that was always there. It was simply covered by the ideas of what “should be.” 

Are you exactly where you should be? YES! How can you argue with reality? If you believe in a higher power; how can it be wrong? If you do not believe in a higher power; how can your philosophy or perspective be wrong? No matter how you look at life; there is an order to the way things work. If you are not exactly where you are supposed to be; then your perspective of everything else you know is wrong. 

Are you exactly where you should be? YES! And now that you realize this; you can really  be  where you are so that you may affect true change. You do not have to be stuck in the past. You do not have to be anxious about the future. You can be here now. You can enjoy right now. You can make change right now. If not now; then when? 

Are you exactly where you should be? Hell yeah!

Article Source: http://www.articlesbase.com/motivational-articles/are-you-exactly-where-you-should-be-707810.html

About the Author:
AUTHOR: Motivational, inspirational, and spiritual; self-help instructor C. Om specializes in teaching real people how to eliminate stress and suffering from their lives. To get instant access to his powerful and yet simple solutions for a great and rewarding life right now, regardless of your life situation, visit: the daily blog  What Is Really Good?

Review: Spike Lee Tackles African American Stereotypes in Film

Author: Todd A. Smith

What does it mean to be Black? This question has been asked throughout the African American community for generations.

Does it mean that we should all share commonalities such as the music we love or the food we love to eat? Or are all of these simply African American stereotypes that have been given to us by others and sometimes our own people?

Spike Lee’s new documentary Passing Strange, based on the musical that earned seven Tony Award nominations is an interesting look at African American stereotypes and how it affects a young African American man named Terry who is trying to find his way in life, and does not necessarily fit into the traditional African American stereotypes.

Despite not being a film that is entertaining in the traditional sense, Passing Strange does an admirable job in tackling an issue that has been viewed as “dirty laundry” in the African American community for quite some time.

Though classified as a musical, Passing Strange is definitely unique in that it uses a rock band, headed by the guitar-playing lead singer Stew, as the narrator to the story. The film focuses on a middle-class African American mother living in South Central Los Angeles in 1976, attempting to inspire her son Terry, an aspiring musician, to want more in life.

The mother desperately wants her child to attend church, even though she does not go regularly, and the fact that they do not fit in with the Black Baptist congregation, despite sharing a similar skin tone.

Though the church has typically been a source of strength and inspiration for people of color, according to many African American stereotypes, Terry is initially critical of the church, and the congregation in the film is referred to as a “Baptist fashion show.” Terry doubts if God is real and says that church “ain’t nothin’ but rock-n-roll,” like the call-and-response structure of blues music, which peaks the interest of the aspiring musician.

As the story unfolds, Terry starts to find himself more interested in his mother’s church, mainly because of his interest in a young lady in the church. However, when he attempts to pursue her she tells him he needs to “blacken up a bit. Not so much where you won’t be hirable, but you need more soul in your stroll,” playing on African American stereotypes of talking and acting White or Black.

Terry finds inspiration to find himself in Europe like James Baldwin and Josephine Baker, at the urging of church member Franklin, who believes Black folks in America like them are simply, “Black folks passing as Black folks.” Terry eventually moves to places like Amsterdam and Berlin to find himself as a person and as a musician.

Although the film does a good job in the entertainment department, it really shines because it addresses serious issues like African American stereotypes in a lively way. Terry does not like stereotypical Black music and does not seem to fit in at the Black church. The protagonist simply wants to stop living a “double life” and find himself. Hopefully audiences will find themselves thinking about African American stereotypes, and how stereotyping one’s own people can negatively affect the lives of so many.

Article Source: http://www.articlesbase.com/art-and-entertainment-articles/review-spike-lee-tackles-african-american-stereotypes-in-film-1359975.html

About the Author:
Todd A. Smith is the publisher for Regal Black Mens Magazine.  The publication focuses on African American Community, News, Politics, Sports, and Health.  Visit to read about African American stereotypes.

You Scared? Have No Fear

Author: C. Om

Fear, pain, and stress are almost synonymous. They are all resistance to what reality is right now. They are all ways for us to interpret the experience we are having in that moment as something that should not be. They are all defensive modes of being that are actually there to protect us.

Think about it yourself. Don’t take my word for it.  Think about you own experience of fear. What is it really? What does it come from? What is the relationship with pain? What is the relationship to stress? 

Here is an excerpt from my book, “What Is Really Good?” on the topic: The root of all stress is fear. Of course fear is a survival instinct. It is imprinted on the design of your ego (your sense of ‘I’) to motivate you to take protective action. 

This is true for both physical and mental stress. Physical stress is physical pain; subtle or blatant. It is a signal that something is wrong and to remove yourself from the situation. Mental stress is mental pain; subtle or blatant. It is a signal that the situation does not meet the ego’s definition of well being. In both cases fear is the motivating factor that brings the signal of stress/pain. 

Physical fear is always short lived and only comes from a direct physical threat. Mental fear is the real issue. It is at times mistaken for physical fear and it is actually over 99% of the fear you experience. The fear produced by your mind attempting to keep the ego and its many identifications in a state of well being is produced at disproportionate and dysfunctional levels. 

Fear is supposed to keep us safe. Problem is, it has gone way past doing for us what it does for the animals. A wild animal gets scared; they fight or take flight. Then it is complete. A person fears about the future and stresses about the past. A person holds on to fear like a ball and chain. 

Ironically, the fact that the animal doesn’t hold on to the fear after the cause of it, is the same reason that we are so much more advanced. Their minds can not hold the ideas and concepts that ours can. As a result, their egos can not identify with ideas as ours can. Their only sense of identity is their physical selves and maybe offspring. Our egoic identity spreads as far as our concepts and ideas can take us. My stuff, my money, my house, my country, my business, etc. Our fear is magnified by the identifications. 

To live without fear; live without stress; and minimize all physical pain is not as far off as you might think. As a matter of fact, you hold the key right now. It just needs some attention.

Article Source: http://www.articlesbase.com/stress-management-articles/you-scared-have-no-fear-707812.html

About the Author:
AUTHOR: Motivational, inspirational, and spiritual; self-help instructor C. Om specializes in teaching real people how to eliminate stress and suffering from their lives. To get instant access to his powerful and yet simple solutions for a great and rewarding life right now, regardless of your life situation, visit: the daily blog  What Is Really Good?

You’re the Best!

Author: C. Om

There is some part of you that this statement resonates with. There is a part of you that already knows this to be true. There is nothing egoic or boastful about this knowing. It is simply knowing a fact. It is a feeling. You’re the best!

Ever wonder why or how we can have this unexplainable feeling despite all the billions of people in the world? Regardless of our size, abilities, or position in life; there is a part of you that can glimpse that feeling of resonance of being the best; of being special.

Everyone is special. To some, it sounds cliché. It sounds politically correct or idealistic. “How can everyone be special? If everyone was special; they wouldn’t be considered special because it would be the norm.” Or, “If everyone is special; why do some people have more than others? Why do some people do more than others?”

The true reason for this feeling or intuitive knowledge of being special has much less to do with what you have, what you do, or who you think you are. It has much more to do with the consciousness that perceives those things. It is your consciousness that allows those things to exist for you.

We probably hear that we are special more when we are children than any other time during life. At one time or another, most people, easily thought of themselves as the center of the universe. This was not a conscious thought. It was more of a perspective of reality. As children this concept is easy to assume as you are catered to, nurtured, and encouraged. The unlimited potential of children is acknowledged by parents, guardians, and teachers alike, as they tell the children that they can be anything that they would like to be when they grow up.

The concept of being the best is being acknowledged in most children even if unconsciously. It is that space of infinite possibilities, which is the true essence of our consciousness, that is being acknowledged.

As adults, at times it maybe harder to see. But it is still there, never-the-less. As long as you are breathing and conscious; you are the best. Even after you are not physically here; you will continue to be the best.

The best is the higher power within in you. It can never leave you because it is what remains when all else is taken away. It is you.

For more, read <a target=”_new” href=”http://whatisreallygood.com/thebook.html”>What Is Really Good</a>? and check out the daily blog of the same name.

You’re the BEST!

Article Source: http://www.articlesbase.com/motivational-articles/youre-the-best-707819.html

About the Author:
AUTHOR: Motivational, inspirational, and spiritual; self-help instructor C. Om specializes in teaching real people how to eliminate stress and suffering from their lives. To get instant access to his powerful and yet simple solutions for a great and rewarding life right now, regardless of your life situation, visit: the daily blog  What Is Really Good?

Students Say African American Achievement Equals Expectations

Author: Todd A. Smith

THE NUMBERS ARE sometimes dismal. The African American achievement gap that almost disappeared in the 1970s and 1980s has widened again between White students and people of color.

Many theories have been attributed to the declining levels of African American achievement from apathetic parents, to violent communities, to negative images seen in the media. However, if you talk to many students they will say the low expectation levels that educators have toward economically-disadvantaged students is what has led to the wider achievement gap, according to a study by scholar Kati Haycock.

Students in economically-disadvantaged schools say they are given teachers who are not knowledgeable about the material they are teaching, counselors who place them in lower-level classes because they underestimate their potential and principals who dismiss their concerns about the quality of the education they are receiving. Some say they drop out because they are bored out of school by the low-level work.

In her study, Haycock stated that in urban middle schools she observed many coloring assignments, rather than writing or Math assignments. She also discovered many coloring assignments in urban high schools. Students who were assigned to read the book To Kill a Mockingbird were told to color a map based on the book, after they completed the reading.

Haycock believes to increase African American achievement, and achievement in other minority groups, “Clear and public standards for what students should learn at benchmark grade levels are a crucial part of solving the problem. They are a guide-for teachers, administrators, parents and students themselves-to what knowledge and skills students must master.”

The different expectations seem evident in Klein Independent School District in the Houston area where African American achievement in Math and Science between students at the more affluent schools versus those at less-affluent schools is evident. At the more affluent Klein High School and Klein Collins High School, 69 percent and 67 percent of African American students, respectively, passed the Math portion of the Texas Assessment of Knowledge and Skills (TAKS) test. However, at the less affluent Klein Forest High School only 53 percent passed.

On the Science portion of the TAKS test, 75 percent of African Americans at Klein High School passed, while 72 percent of African Americans at Klein Collins High School passed. Nevertheless, at Klein Forest, only 62 percent passed.

Despite the subpar numbers in Science and Math, African American achievement in English/Reading and Social Studies in Klein are extremely high, with 92 percent, 87 percent and 92 percent of African Americans passing the English/Language Arts/Reading portion at Klein, Klein Forest and Klein Collins respectively. The numbers in Social Studies was similar with 93 percent passage at Klein and 91 percent passage at Klein Forest and Klein Collins.

To combat the declining levels of African American achievement, University of Illinois associate professor Alfred Tatum created the African American Adolescent Male Summer Literacy Institute in Chicago where he encourages his students to question what they learn in school and “fight against ignorance and shallow thinking.”

The students focus on different authors, such as Claude McKay, Richard Wright and Gwendolyn Brooks, and then they write expressing their thoughts through short stories, poems and letters to future program participants.

Many participants of the program who thought that they would be bored like they are in school, have been captivated by the power of words and the knowledge they receive from Tatum, who has shown them that greatness can be achieved if we expect and demand it.

Article Source: http://www.articlesbase.com/education-articles/students-say-african-american-achievement-equals-expectations-1245838.html

About the Author:
Todd A. Smith is the web master for  ; Regal Black Mens Magazine   For more information on this subject visit our  ; Community Section  To read about  ; African American achievement

Why So Serious?

Author: C. Om

Though it’s one of the best lines of this past summer’s blockbuster movie, “The Dark Knight;” “Why so serious,” is also a really good question that most people might like to ask themselves. 

Why do we take certain things so seriously? What is it about those particular topics that gets us so worked up and stressed out?  

Alot of times we can take a step back and say to ourselves, “Is it really  that  serious?” or even know right from the jump that, “It’s  not  that serious.” 

So really; why so serious? If you look at your own ’serious’ reactions and those of others you know; you will see that it is always the things that people are ego identified with that brings the stress into the picture. In other words, it its always a concept or idea that has become part of that person’s identity which raises all the hell for them. 

To illustrate this; everything that Tim considers his, is what he is ego identified with. His car, his house, his job, his wife, his bills, his retirement fund, etc. If anyone of these things is lost, comes into jeopardy, or is even slightly threatened; Tim’s very identity comes under fire. Why so serious, Tim? 

This just goes to show you the power the ego has over our minds until we are totally aware of it. Once we start operating above the ego, our minds are free. We are free to be sharper and more intuitive. We are even free to cultivate and protect what we know to be ours. The difference is that the chains of stress and the burden of bondage and attachment will no longer bog us down.  

Life is no where near as serious as the ego makes it out to be. As a matter of fact, that seriousness is only a mental construct fueled by the ego. It does not really exist except in your head! 

Life is meant to be lived. If there is anything at all stressing you right now; think about what’s good right now. You may see that the source of the stress is but a thought and that it’s really not that serious.

Article Source: http://www.articlesbase.com/stress-management-articles/why-so-serious-707814.html

About the Author:
AUTHOR: Motivational, inspirational, and spiritual; self-help instructor C. Om specializes in teaching real people how to eliminate stress and suffering from their lives. To get instant access to his powerful and yet simple solutions for a great and rewarding life right now, regardless of your life situation, visit: the daily blog  What Is Really Good?

The Naked Truth about Child Support Drama

REAL TALK’S PARTNER in crime ~The Naked Truth Talk Show ~ takes on the topic of Child Support Drama.

We always hear about “dead beat” dads who don’t pay child support, but what about the “dead beat” mothers?  You know the one’s who receive regular child support payments but they spend the money on EVERYTHING accept the child.

What can dad’s do when they’re handing their responsibility and paying child support but the baby mama misuses the money?

Let’s look at the other side of the Child Support Drama.

Listen to The Naked Truth Talk Show by clicking HERE.  Share your thoughts, opinions and comments on the show by posting them to The Naked Truth Talk Show Forum.

African-Americans Wake-Up: Afro-Latinos are Our Brothas and Sistas

By R. Renee

IT’S HISPANIC HERITAGE Month.  During this month I want to personally acknowledge and salute my Afro-Latino brothas and sistas around the globe.

I have much love for Afro-Latinos because they acknowledge and embrace their African lineage.  It’s time that Black people in America (the so-called African-American) recognize that Afro-Latinos are our brothas and sistas.

CLICK HERE to read the full article.

Why Women Ruin Relationships By Talking Too Much

Author: Deborrah Cooper

WOMEN COMPLAIN frequently about male/female communication.  “Men don’t communicate” these ladies say in frustration.  Women complain that men give one-word answers, don’t elaborate and tell the entire story in a play by play fashion, and that it feelings like “pulling teeth” to get information out of them.

Being Like A Man Is Not Always A Bad Thing!

Women operate on a different dynamic and love to share their feelings, experiences and thoughts with others.  I think this female style of communication is a way that bonds us and brings us closer to others.  Which means this communication style is fine with other women when we get together and talk about family and work.  But it is absolutely positively the wrong way to communicate with your romantic partner when it comes to the sexual pleasures you’ve enjoyed before he came on the scene!

Are All The Mysterious Women Dead?

“She possesses an air of mystery.” Sadly, that trait is one many women have completely abandoned.  In their quest to “be honest” women feel it necessary need to tell their man every thought that passes through their head, and every single thing they’ve ever done in this life and those previous.  In other words, women blab and share wayyyy too much information.

Guys avoid those types of disclosure like the plague.  Their thinking is if you haven’t asked a specific question, it isn’t important enough to bring up, and it’s probably not in their best interest to do so.

Men want things in their relationships to be smooth and easy and pleasant.  Smart men know that telling their new woman how great their ex was in bed is not something she needs to know.  They know women aren’t happy hearing that type of news, and there will be some serious unpleasant moments that follow the delivery!  Men are smart enough to know that a female coworker’s breast augmentation and how much hotter she looks now is not something their woman needs to know either.  Women should adopt a similar policy.

Keep The Past Where It Belongs… In The Past!

Recently a letter came into my advice column from a 35 year old woman that had been introduced by her Mom to a nice physician, formerly from her neighborhood.  Though he seemed to be somewhat of a braggart, the two got along well and things looked like they were going someplace.

One day he mentioned that he was going to get a haircut in the old neighborhood, and she volunteered that she had gone out to dinner a few times with the owner of that same barbershop. No relationship, nothing sexual, just out to dinner twice.

After this revelation the young Dr. went to the barber and inquired about his interaction with the woman in question. The barber embellished the interaction and represented the relationship as more than it had been, much to the young doctor’s chagrin. Feeling that his reputation would be at risk from this association, he immediately broke off the budding relationship.

Why?

He knows how men are. He knew that the other men in the shop would be trading jokes and stories about sexual activities with his new girl, and that he didn’t want to endure the subsequent embarrassment.

Why did this young woman not keep her mouth closed?  What benefit did she think would be gained by bringing up ancient history? Why talk about something that involved just a couple of dates that took place years ago and led to nothing?

The boyish competitiveness and desire to bring a man with higher social standing and more money down a peg or two is what was behind this little drama.

Understanding men’s egos, the dynamic under which men compete and the manner in which men judge women’s suitability as a steady girlfriend and/or wife should be enough impetus to keep your lips closed.

However, if you plan to marry, full disclosure should be expected by your fiancee and provided on about matters vital to the marriage. Openness on subjects such as debts, health concerns, child support and visitation, and income are mandatory, but that is really all that is needed.

In conclusion, think before you open your mouth and “share” information with your man that he won’t be able to handle. Blabbing every detail about your past interactions with other men will do nothing positive for your new relationship. Every woman past the age of 21 has a past of some sort. The men that come into your life need to accept the woman that you are, take you as you come and love you for exactly who and what you are right now.

Your past, with all your mistakes, challenges, and experiences together created the fascinating creature that he has fallen in love with. Your past should be something you keep to yourself and reflect on in old age with a enigmatic smile. It should be remembered and respected, but never trotted out for critical review and comment by every guy you date.

Article Source: http://www.articlesbase.com/advice-articles/why-women-ruin-relationships-by-talking-too-much-370906.html

About the Author:
(c) 2008 Deborrah Cooper.  Deborrah has authored dozens of relationship articles and advice columns on  Ask HeartBeat! , which focuses on modern relationships for teens and adults.  Her dating guide  Sucka Free Love!  provides street-smart, hilarious insight into the toughest issues facing singles today. Check out  The Sucka Free Dating Radio Talk Show  on Wednesday night at 8:00 pm PST.