Today is the official debut of The Blunt. The Blunt is the newest blog to enter the Black blogosphere. It is also replacing this Real Talk blog.
The Blunt is phat and filled with information and entertainment (infotainment) that will get you high – in a good way.
Ready to puff puff pass?
Just click The Blunt and get your high on.
The Blunt – This Is Not Your Typical Blog
Here is another behind-the-scenes clip from Hidden Colors. Here Dr. Phil Valentine discusses how feminism influenced (and hindered) Black relationships.
Learn more about this pivotal documentary. Visit the Hidden Colors official website.
Excerpted from an article by Deborrah Cooper
WOMEN HAVE AN inordinate amount of faith in both Black men and Black churches. My position is that such blind and unwavering faith in either is misplaced. It is my belief that the Black church, structured around traditional gender roles which makes women submissive to and inferior to men, greatly limits females. Single Black women sitting in church every Sunday are being subtly brainwashed, soothed and placated into waiting without demand for what they want to magically come to them. Who is doing this to Black women? The male standing at the front of the Church in the role of spiritual leader, that’s who!
Author Deborrah Cooper
This is the true reason that there are so many single, never married Black women in the United States – Black churches. Black women should abandon Black churches and focus more on themselves, their needs and those of their children than those of Black men or a religion which Black men use to castigate and control an entire race of women.
Following the tenets of organized religion is not going to get you anywhere because men are generally not religious.
Going to church is not getting you the husband you seek.
Going to church is not making you more attractive and interesting to men.
Going to church is not where you are going to find eligible bachelors to date.
Going to church is not going to teach you to be fiscally responsible, investment savvy, or empower you to achieve greatness as a woman.
Going to church is not going to broaden your horizons, make you more tolerant and accepting of all God’s children, nor is it going to encourage you to be free of the chains of patriarchy and oppression of your feminine energy.
Going to church makes you a sheep, blindly following the mandates of a small group of men you have placed in your life in a position of power. Going to church makes you malleable and predictable, and narrows your thinking and thus limits your options.
Going to church for single Black women is a waste of time.
Finding the Black Man That You Seek… He Ain’t Up in Church
Single Black women trying to live a sanctified lifestyle won’t be caught dead in the places where men are likely to be found. These church women refuse to go to parties, sports bars or sporting events, or clubs where there is drinking, card playing, domino throwing, shit talking and cussing – you know, the things that most men who enjoy life like to do. Instead these single Black women sit at home alone, or get together with their friends and read the Bible, then pray that God will bring them a husband.
My suggestion is that you get off your knees, stop paying so much attention to what your Pastor says and open your eyes to the world around you. There are millions of really great guys out here that would love you to the depths of your soul and stand by you. There are many single men that will happily honor your spirit and desire to leave your mark on the world. However, he may not EVER set foot in a church, read the Bible or even pray.
Black churches certainly have a vested interest in maintaining high numbers of single Black women as members of their congregations, but you don’t have to be a part of those statistics.
CLICK HERE to read the full article.
Who said marriages don’t work? We’re always bombarded withe negative depictions and statistics about our relationships and marriages. We at Real Talk Magazine want to focus on the positive and to celebrate, honor and acknowledge those couples whose marriages have stood the test of time.
1. Will Smith & Jada Pinkett-Smith
Will and Jada Pinkett-Smith
2. Forest & Keisha Whitaker – Married 1996
Forest and Keisha Whitaker
3. Rodney Peete & Holly Robinson-Peete – Married 1995
Rodney and Holly Robinson-Peete
4. James Todd Smith (LL Cool J) & Simone Johnson – Married 1995
James and Simone Smith
5. Reverend Run and Justine Simmons – Married 1994
Reverend Run and Justine Simmons
6. Spike & Tonya Lee – Married 1993
Spike and Tonya Lee
7. Barack & Michelle Obama – Married 1992
Barack and Michelle Obama
8. Carl Payne II & Melika Williams – Married 1992
Carl and Melika Payne II
9. Terry & Rebecca Crews – Married 1989
Terry and Rebecca Crews
10. Muhammad & Yolanda Ali – Married 1986
Muhammad and Yolanda Ali
11. Norman “Norm” Nixon & Debbie Allen – Married 1984
Norm and Debbie Nixon
12. Denzel & Paulette Washington – Married 1983
Denzel and Paulette Washington
13. Tim & Daphne Reid – Married 1982
Tim and Daphne Reid
14. Samuel & LaTanya Jackson – Married 1980
Samuel and LaTanya Jackson
15. Marlon & Carol Jackson – Married 1975
Marlon and Carol Jackson
16. Dr. Ben & Candy Carson – Married 1975
Dr. Ben and Candy carson
17. Billy Davis, Jr. & Marilyn McCoo – Married 1969
Billy Davis, Jr. and Marilyn McCoo
18. Nathaniel Brown & Rebbie Jackson – Married 1968
Nathaniel and Rebbie Jackson
19. Bill & Camille Cosby – Married 1964
Bill and Camille Cosby
20. Joseph and Katherine Jackson – Married 1949
Joseph and Katherine Jackson
All photos are copyrighted by their respected photographers. No copyright infringement intended as the sole use of the photos is strictly non-commercial.
DISCLAIMER: Let me make it clear that in no way, shape or form am I justifying or condoning Chris Brown’s assault on Rihanna. So I ask that you approach this article with an open mind. Thank you.
There are THREE sides to every story – His side. Her side. And the truth. Regarding Chris Brown and Rihanna we’ve heard his side of the story. We’ve now heard her side of the story. But have we heard the truth?
There’s no doubt there is a lot more to the Chris-Rihanna drama than we may ever know. Only Chris, Rihanna and a few people in their inner circle really know what went down in their relationship and in that car that fateful night.
Rihanna
Nevertheless, it’s perhaps safe to say that their relationship was unhealthy and dysfunctional. And although Brown is clearly the “bad guy” in this situation Rihanna herself was also “bad girl” – “a girl good gone bad” so to speak.
The National Coalition for Men (NCFM), who came out and supported Brown, released a statement saying: “According to court records and other sources, Rihanna struck Brown in the face ‘numerous times’ before he assaulted her.”
Is it possible that Rihanna physically assaulted Brown? Yes. Is it possible that Rihanna provoked and instigated Brown’s assault? Yes. Is it possible Brown got fed up and snapped? Yes. Is it likely Brown acted in self defense? Yes. Does this justify or excuse Brown’s assault? NO.
But let’s not be so quick to label Chris Brown a monster and to throw him under the bus especially when we don’t know the whole TRUTH regarding their relationship.
Chris Brown
There are many females who emotionally, mentally, verbally and physical abuse their boyfriends/husbands. Men don’t talk about it due to their own shame and embarrassment.
There are men who don’t leave these abusive relationships for many of the same reasons women stay in abusive relationships (“love”, low self-esteem, co-dependency, etc.).
There are men who don’t defend themselves because they refuse to hit a woman under ANY circumstance.
There are men who don’t defend themselves because they know that even if they physically restrain a woman all she has to do is call 911 and he’s going to jail.
This is the flip side of domestic abuse/violence that no one talks about. Let’s not have a double-standard when it comes to domestic abuse/violence. Yes, it’s wrong for a man to abuse a woman but it’s equally wrong for a woman to abuse a man.
Was Rihanna a victim? Yes. But so was Chris Brown. From my perspective, Rihanna and Chris victimized each other.
So if you want to take sides, so be it. But in doing so just remember there are THREE sides to every story – His side. Her side. And the TRUTH.
Author: Deborrah Cooper
WOMEN COMPLAIN frequently about male/female communication. “Men don’t communicate” these ladies say in frustration. Women complain that men give one-word answers, don’t elaborate and tell the entire story in a play by play fashion, and that it feelings like “pulling teeth” to get information out of them.
Being Like A Man Is Not Always A Bad Thing!
Women operate on a different dynamic and love to share their feelings, experiences and thoughts with others. I think this female style of communication is a way that bonds us and brings us closer to others. Which means this communication style is fine with other women when we get together and talk about family and work. But it is absolutely positively the wrong way to communicate with your romantic partner when it comes to the sexual pleasures you’ve enjoyed before he came on the scene!
Are All The Mysterious Women Dead?
“She possesses an air of mystery.” Sadly, that trait is one many women have completely abandoned. In their quest to “be honest” women feel it necessary need to tell their man every thought that passes through their head, and every single thing they’ve ever done in this life and those previous. In other words, women blab and share wayyyy too much information.
Guys avoid those types of disclosure like the plague. Their thinking is if you haven’t asked a specific question, it isn’t important enough to bring up, and it’s probably not in their best interest to do so.
Men want things in their relationships to be smooth and easy and pleasant. Smart men know that telling their new woman how great their ex was in bed is not something she needs to know. They know women aren’t happy hearing that type of news, and there will be some serious unpleasant moments that follow the delivery! Men are smart enough to know that a female coworker’s breast augmentation and how much hotter she looks now is not something their woman needs to know either. Women should adopt a similar policy.
Keep The Past Where It Belongs… In The Past!
Recently a letter came into my advice column from a 35 year old woman that had been introduced by her Mom to a nice physician, formerly from her neighborhood. Though he seemed to be somewhat of a braggart, the two got along well and things looked like they were going someplace.
One day he mentioned that he was going to get a haircut in the old neighborhood, and she volunteered that she had gone out to dinner a few times with the owner of that same barbershop. No relationship, nothing sexual, just out to dinner twice.
After this revelation the young Dr. went to the barber and inquired about his interaction with the woman in question. The barber embellished the interaction and represented the relationship as more than it had been, much to the young doctor’s chagrin. Feeling that his reputation would be at risk from this association, he immediately broke off the budding relationship.
Why?
He knows how men are. He knew that the other men in the shop would be trading jokes and stories about sexual activities with his new girl, and that he didn’t want to endure the subsequent embarrassment.
Why did this young woman not keep her mouth closed? What benefit did she think would be gained by bringing up ancient history? Why talk about something that involved just a couple of dates that took place years ago and led to nothing?
The boyish competitiveness and desire to bring a man with higher social standing and more money down a peg or two is what was behind this little drama.
Understanding men’s egos, the dynamic under which men compete and the manner in which men judge women’s suitability as a steady girlfriend and/or wife should be enough impetus to keep your lips closed.
However, if you plan to marry, full disclosure should be expected by your fiancee and provided on about matters vital to the marriage. Openness on subjects such as debts, health concerns, child support and visitation, and income are mandatory, but that is really all that is needed.
In conclusion, think before you open your mouth and “share” information with your man that he won’t be able to handle. Blabbing every detail about your past interactions with other men will do nothing positive for your new relationship. Every woman past the age of 21 has a past of some sort. The men that come into your life need to accept the woman that you are, take you as you come and love you for exactly who and what you are right now.
Your past, with all your mistakes, challenges, and experiences together created the fascinating creature that he has fallen in love with. Your past should be something you keep to yourself and reflect on in old age with a enigmatic smile. It should be remembered and respected, but never trotted out for critical review and comment by every guy you date.
Article Source: http://www.articlesbase.com/advice-articles/why-women-ruin-relationships-by-talking-too-much-370906.html
About the Author:
(c) 2008 Deborrah Cooper. Deborrah has authored dozens of relationship articles and advice columns on Ask HeartBeat! , which focuses on modern relationships for teens and adults. Her dating guide Sucka Free Love! provides street-smart, hilarious insight into the toughest issues facing singles today. Check out The Sucka Free Dating Radio Talk Show on Wednesday night at 8:00 pm PST.
Author: Deborrah Cooper
Before a man can truly love a woman, his respect for her must be at level 8 or above (on a scale of 1-10). But even before a man can truly love and respect you, you must love and respect YOURSELF!
Remember, like is drawn to like.
To have high self esteem means to feel competent and worthy, to respect and stand up for your interests and needs and to cope with the challenges of life.
Those with high self-esteem are ambitious and embrace their experiences in life emotionally, creatively, and spiritually. The higher our self esteem, the more likely we are to treat others with respect, kindness and consideration since we do not perceive them as a threat to our peace of mind or security.
On the other hand, having low self esteem means that you suffer from feelings of inadequacy, insecurity, self-doubt, guilt, and fear. You are more likely to enter into destructive relationships. You may recognize that in the back of your mind a nasty little voice constantly reminds you that you are “not enough.”
Those with low self-esteem may also be arrogant, boastful, or overstate their abilities in an attempt to “puff themselves up.” Those with low self-esteem frequently attempt to glorify themselves at the expense of others by verbally discounting, mistreating, or physically abusing them in an effort to feel more powerful or elevate themselves.
Know When to Get Out or Just Say NO!
How we feel about OURSELVES affects virtually every aspect of our lives – from the way we function at work, in love, in sex, to the way we operate as parents. And (excluding mental, emotional or physical problems that are biological in origin) most of the social ills and personal problems we suffer originate in an environment of low self esteem: alcohol and drug abuse, underachievement, spousal battering, child molestation, sexual dysfunction, emotional immaturity, suicide, and setting ourselves up to be used.
For those of you that call yourself having a man but still spend important holidays alone; have a man that you have been dating for years that refuses to marry you; have a man in your life that doesn’t open doors or pull out your chair for you or treat you like a lady; or have a husband that cheats whenever he gets ready with no fear of repercussions – know that somewhere down the line you have failed one or more of his tests.
If your man has changed in his treatment towards you and no longer treats you as special and important as he did previously that means he is probably not ready to leave the relationship completely yet, but he has already moved you out of the running as a serious contender for his affections. In his mind he already decided that the relationship wasn’t going anywhere.”
He may feel he does not have to treat you like a lady because in some way you have disappointed him and convinced him that you don’t deserve to be treated with high regard.
In these cases, I would recommend that you recognize this relationship will NEVER fulfill your needs. No matter how painful the loss may seem, it is best to abandon that relationship and start fresh with another man.
Take Responsibility For Your Choices and Become a Winner in the Game of Love!
We make choices every day of our lives. Admittedly, some of the choices we make are not in our best interest over the long run. Perhaps these imprudent choices are dictated, not by thoughtful respect for ourselves, but instead by the desire for immediate gratification, a sense of desperation, a refusal to accept reality, or plain old low self esteem.
And even though (as stated by Carl Jung) “The shoe that fits one person pinches another; there is no recipe for living that suits all cases,” it is my firm belief that a woman who thought highly of and valued herself, her sexuality and her heart would not engage in the behaviors associated with being a ‘ho.
By using the tests outlined above as a guideline, you can quickly determine where you have been going wrong in your dealings with men and adjust your program accordingly to develop the relationship of your dreams.
By behaving in a way that commands respect from the men you meet, you will win the right man’s respect, admiration, heart and ultimately his undying devotion.
Article Source: http://www.articlesbase.com/advice-articles/the-importance-of-female-selfesteem-in-healthy-relationships-585882.html
About the Author:
(c) 2008 Deborrah Cooper. Deborrah has authored dozens of relationship articles and advice columns on Ask HeartBeat! , which focuses on modern relationships for teens and adults. Her dating guide Sucka Free Love! provides street-smart, hilarious insight into the toughest issues facing singles today. Check out The Sucka Free Dating Radio Talk Show on Wednesday night at 7:00 pm PST.
Author: Deborrah Cooper
Women dress, walk, talk and adorn themselves in ways that they think will be attractive to the opposite sex. Throughout history women have subjected themselves to painful rituals in order to be considered sexy and desirable by men.
The ancient Japanese bound the feet of female children to keep them small. This sexy binding crippling the women so that they could not walk.
Various tattoos and markings have been used in Pacific Island and other cultures around the world to adorn the skin of the body.
Africans inserted stones in lips and earlobes, stretching them out of shape. In other African tribes, long thin necks were thought to be beautiful, so the women wore rings around their necks to stretch them (the more rings, the longer the neck and therefore the more desirable the woman).
In the U.S., women go on extreme diets to get thin; pierce lips, eyes, nostrils and nipples; or endure surgical procedures like breast enlargements, tummy tucks, Botox injections, face lifts and body waxing because they think men will find these physical modifications to be sexier.
Women will also roll leave their homes with their rear ends out and everything showing. They think this is sexy and the only way to get a man’s attention.
With the competition for men so fierce among women, just what is a girl to do? She wants to attract and keep a good man that finds her exciting. So just what DO men say is sexy?
What Do Guys Say is Sexy
One guy spent a month in Egypt where the women wore long black burkas, exposing nothing but their eyes to the public.
He reported “The eyes are the most powerful attraction that a woman has, but that’s mainly used in close-range encounters. Things like hair, clothes and body catch a man’s interest from far away. Eye color is not the most important thing. I think eye shape maybe. A man can drown in the right pair of eyes. The eyes are extremely sexy, and I left Egypt very hot and bothered and I’d seen nothing but EYES!”
One young guy wrote “a woman with a job and her OWN MONEY is the sexiest thing I can think of!” Seemed to get his blood boiling just to think about it.
“Women with gorgeous bodies and tiny little love handles is sexy.”
“A natural and warm smile is almost like a hug – it’s very welcoming. Fake or strained smiles don’t get it.”
“There’s nothing sexier than a black woman – it’s just the way they are. A nice smile, a pleasant speaking voice, and meat on da bone! I can’t stand no skinny women!”
“I like women that are about 20 lbs over the weight on those insurance charts. I even like a little cellulite on firm shapely thighs. I like my woman to LOOK LIKE A WOMAN, not a twig.” This letter came in from a Texan. I guess it’s true that they like everything bigger down there!
“A really nice scent on a woman circumvents all of that higher-level thinking and reaches men in a very visceral place. It shouldn’t be too strong or too subtle. A woman has to find the right perfume for her body chemistry.”
“A woman’s voice is very sexy to me.”
“All I can say is that these women walking around here all bony need to remember what dogs do to bones; they knaw on them and then bury them.”
“A sharp wit balanced with an elegant demeanor is very sexy.”
“A woman who feels sexy about herself, or who is sensual and confident is very sexy!”
Many men wrote and expressed a sentiment that is the direct opposite of the belief many women hold about their clothing – or lack thereof. Most men expressed the opposite sentiment: “Even though we like to LOOK, that doesn’t mean it stirs me in the place a woman wants me to be stirred which is my heart!”
Another young man held a similar viewpoint: “Understated vs. overstated is sexy…leave something to my imagination ladies. The possibility and the calculation is what men like.”
Another dreadlocked, dashiki wearing brother complained that Black women need to stop applying what they see in the mainstream media to themselves in relation to beauty, fashion, body image and as the criteria to judge what is or is not sexy.
What Isn’t Sexy?
“Not sexy at all is someone who tries too hard to be sexy! Don’t wiggle around and be so obvious with yourself. I had a woman come stand in front of me and bend over to pick up a pack of cigarettes she dropped. It was just nasty. Makes a woman look bad when they do all that.”
“Eager to please, bringing attention to themselves, always wanting to do the right thing, or just plain doting is definitely not sexy!”
“Women with all them damn muscles. Hey, if I wanted to sleep with a hard body, I’d be gay! Women are supposed to be shapely, with softness and curves. I don’t want somebody with yokes like me!”
In summary, it seems the qualities guys value as sexy are:
Confidence
High self-esteem (a woman that values herself)
A winning smile
A smooth voice
Feminine curves that are toned and firm
Definitely not skinny
Intelligent with a witty sense of humor
Got it ladies? So put some clothes on and work on demonstrating the qualities above if you want guys to really find you sexy!
Article Source: http://www.articlesbase.com/dating-articles/what-do-men-say-is-sexy-591699.html
About the Author:
(c) 2008 Deborrah Cooper. Deborrah has authored dozens of relationship articles and advice columns on Ask HeartBeat!, which focuses on modern relationships for teens and adults. Her dating guide Sucka Free Love! provides street-smart, hilarious insight into the toughest issues facing singles today. Check out The Sucka Free Dating Radio Talk Show on Wednesday night at 7:00 pm PST.
There are so many desperate women roaming around today. They’re desperate for relationships. They’re desperate to have a boyfriend. They’re desperate for a husband. They’re desperate to have a man love and validate them.
And, of course, desperate people do desperate things. So today’s females are willing to do any and everything just to have a man.
The list can go on and on. The bottom line is that desperate women are women who have no self-respect.
The following is a video from a young man who vents his frustration about ”weak, desperate women who are slaves for men.”
Women wake up and get a clue!
